From last few days I have been reflecting upon this word “Success”. I guess my anxiety flared up with a fast approaching change in my work place and new job positions opening up with tough criteria and assessment exams involved. It will be total wrong of me to not accept that yes I got nervous, anxious of losing out.
One day, as per my usual practice in the morning, I was reading my affirmations from “Motivational Moments” by Mufti Menk who is a famous Muslim scholar from Zimbabwe and the following quote gave me much mental clarity and helped me change my thought process around the dictionary definition of the word success which means, ”
a performance or achievement that is marked by success, as by the attainment of honors.”
Rather I found total relief in the following words,
“Don’t be frustrated when you see no results after trying. There’s a lesson there. You may be struggling but it doesn’t mean you are failing. “
After reading this I must admit I felt lighter knowing that even trying out for something new and going through a selection process is also a success in itself. After gaining this understanding, I was able to cope up with my feeling of anxiety and nervousness and was able to develop a plan to follow to achieve a positive experience.
When I was browsing books on Amazon for my Kindle download, this specific title caught my attention. I looked at my computer screen for few seconds before downloading this book on my device. Why did I take only a few seconds to buy this title? What was so special about this book? Questions like these came in my mind and faded away but some part of me knew the answer to these questions and similar to them that often arise in my mind.
What caught my attention was the second part of the title “Have thick skin”. Before I proceed with this article, I must clarify that I am not a psychologist; however, once in a while I like to read self-help books as a reminder, to heal myself, to learn new techniques or to revisit the old ones just to strengthen my skills of dealing with various emotions that each one of us encounters throughout the day.
The book “How to be emotionally strong and have thick skin” written by Nicolla Trilliby is about 38 pages long that took me as around 30 – 45 minutes to read. I first thought to myself that what will this 5 chapter book deliver that will be effective but can also be practically applied in day-to-day life. To my surprise, this short book offered lot more than that I anticipated. To be accurate, this books offers strong reminders in a very firm tone required to develop emotional strength and deliver ideas of developing a thick skin. It also highlights pros and cons of each skin type in a short, simple manner.
Thick Skin VS Thin Skin is a very popular topic among self-help guides. What exactly is Thick Skin Vs Thin Skin? Do we classify ourselves as thick skin all the time? Is there any phenomenon between these two words like Medium Skin? 🙂 I am sure these questions cross everyone’s mind occasionally. The understanding I got after reading the first chapter of this books was that “thin-skinned” people are highly sensitive to the chaos of outside world and their emotions can be easily triggered by any rude, unexpected, hurtful, unfair gesture. At times they are stuck trying to understand and answer the question, “WHY ME”? This doesn’t mean that thin-skinned people are not strong or they are not of positive nature. The book highlights that thin skinned people are always in need of seeking approval of others, yet at times focusing the major part of their energies in proving themselves. In doing this, they at time give their power away to other person, thus making them vulnerable. On the contrary , “thick-skinned” people retains their emotional stability by holding on to their inner peace and not caring what others really think of them. They work in their own medium and have the ability to slide off the negativity around them. Mastering this special trait allows them to find themselves less in conflict situations thus maintaining their emotional strength and energy.
The book offers steps to those who like to master the trait of being thick skinned. The message I got after completing this book was to find happiness among yourself and accept difficult people as they are. Most importantly, by developing this trait of letting go of what others think about oneself makes a huge impact on ones overall emotional and mental health.
I would definitely give this book 5 stars and would recommend this book to anyone who is looking for some techniques to strengthen their emotional control and develop understanding around being too sensitive and maintaining a balanced personality.
Review written by N. Reflection
Couple of days ago a gentle request triggered me to go ahead and do some research over some topics that are taken for granted and the reminders are often neglected to emphasize on their importance. I then took some personal time to compile my research in to my personal blog for a way to keep myself reminded around those topics.
The topics are as follows along with some website addresses for quick read and giving them food for thought on a daily basis.
Research complied by Coffee in Style.
I stared at my keyboard for few minutes before I started to write my blog post called. “Black, White or Grey”. So many words and memories crossed my mind as I watched my fingers typing one character to another forming a word and then creating a sentence. A while back I read the following quote from Justin Timberlake, “The gray area, the place between black and white – that’s the place where life happens”.
“Black, White or Grey” – is a very diverse topic of discussion with different conclusions drawn by each and every one. However, it is important to consider that how this phenomena fits itself in the form of a communication and dealing with people? It is an established fact that everyone has different personalities with different behavior traits. Some individuals seem themselves fit in the category of highly sensitive people, while other consider themselves as strong, stubborn and not easily affected by criticism or negativity around them. However one categorizes themselves, the fact doesn’t get changed that each and every one adhere to conversations and communications in their own unique and learned way that could have been acquired from different life experiences.
It is a common saying and reference point among many individuals that, “I am either black or white in my dealings and there is nothing in between.” At times having this personality trait holds deep value in itself yet at other times it could deliver mixed message of lacking a balance.
The question then arises related to, what is balance or to be exact what is a balanced approach? One can apply the understanding of balance in many aspects such as communication, dealing with people, conflict resolution, maintaining work life balance, and the list goes on. To me the sole purpose of maintaining balance is to achieve desirable results on a mutually agreed ground without evoking any hurt feelings for all parties involved if possible and ability to move forward without any grudge in heart.
After establishing firm understanding around balance the phenomena “Black, white or grey” get easy to achieve and can be applied properly in day to day life. I can strongly advocate from my experience that being totally black and white in personal matters at times creates a stressful situation and the outcome might not be a win-win situation. I strongly believe that whichever approach one chooses, the underline notion and intention should be to maintain balance.
Ever wondered to yourself what exactly the word “intimacy” means? The dictionary meaning of intimacy is closeness. However, in today’s world this word is mostly used in expressing feelings towards another person in a sexual way thus re-defining and narrowing down its scope.
Just like evolution, intimacy has revolved itself according to the modern era, but the underlying essence and phenomenon is always the same which means – CLOSENESS.
Closeness is often looked upon and measured at physical level among individuals. However, closeness is not limited to physical level only. Getting close on a physical level is just one aspect of expressing emotions and feelings towards another individual.
Many will agree that closeness among individuals exists at psychological and mental level which however, is overlooked at times.
It won’t be entirely wrong to say that intimacy is a form of closeness either at physical, emotional, or mental level that promotes deep sense of caring, protecting and looking out for each other. Said that little acts of kindness, positive talk, uplifting and reaching out for each other all comes under a big umbrella of intimacy.
However, having a strong bond of trust and acceptance among individuals is one of the most important and underlying key factor in developing, maintaining and upholding the feeling of intimacy. The following quote truly expresses the key-point of this post.
Starring at steam coming out of my hot tea in front of me in my favorite tea mug, one thought after another came in my mind and then faded away just like hot steam from my tea started to settle down.
I then looked at the title I gave to my article – “5 fingers”. Instantly my mind started to reel at various incidents around the globe among various communities, religions, race, and countries. Of course media plays a very powerful role in delivering these incidents to us. However, sometimes creating a positive influence on others yet at times fueling up negative thoughts and emotions among individuals of all age groups. Whatever, the impression might be given by media, the outcome sometimes fades away instantly and sometimes it lasts forever.
5 fingers? What does it symbolizes? The answer to this question is very simple. The way our 5 fingers are not same and equal, similarly no two individuals are alike. Since no two individuals are alike, one cannot be punished because of actions of the other.
When we are able to understand this symbolism that is created by nature, it is very easy to detach oneself from the negativity of racism, by looking at the incidents that are happening around the globe among people of different religions and communities.
In today’s world where social media plays a vital role, sharing negative contents even for having few laughs is a crime in itself. One must not underestimate the degree of this crime because the effects of sharing negative content that promotes hate and triggers violence among people of different religion is a biggest threat to the whole mankind and the damage is irreversible.
At the end of the day, one must realize that life is a precious gift of nature. Each and every individual around the globe cherishes life in their own unique way and pay gratitude to nature in their own form of worship. There is absolutely no harm in sharing best practices and understandings of the way one expresses gratitude to nature with each other. However, the intention should always be to promote peace, preserve life and nurture humanity.
Back in school days I always used to wonder what does “developing as a person” really mean. At times the message communicated through educational institutes and professionals conveyed dual and mixed message to understand this term. Does developing as a person mean higher grades or does it mean to excel and thrive among yourself to become a more accepting and understanding individual?
The message I would like to pass on to young and growing minds is that developing as a person means, to understand that learning and seeking knowledge is not limited to classroom or lecture hall experiences. Knowledge is all around us. As human beings, it is our duty towards nature to question and to seek out answers through constant tries and errors.
Knowledge these days is categorized in to areas and is distinguished by subject names from math, chemistry, biology, physics, astronomy and the list continues. Knowledge is not limited to one area of expertise. From grooming to raising a family evolves knowledge and during this process one must discover themselves and then develop themselves as a better human being.
Developing as a person also means to have the courage to accept. Practicing acceptance not only in the form of success but also developing strength to face and fight failure, defeat, criticism, hatred, negativity, rejection, isolation yet finding strategies to cope with the outcomes and allowing yourself to move forward in life. Trying out different possibilities to achieve positive outcomes and personal satisfaction is a part of developing yourself.
Developing yourself often is divided in to categories for ease of understanding. Many professionals and individuals will argue that there is two types of developments professional and personal development. I strongly believe and would like to emphasize that to me professional and personal development is the same phenomena as it evolves around an individual however in different areas of life.
Developing as a person is the hardest role that one has to understand, and practice almost every day in their life. The role is hard there is no doubt about it, but it is not impossible. Each and every one of us can improve ourselves in certain areas of life with some effort yet producing tremendous positive results around us.
Coping and accepting change is the topic we all can relate to at all times. “Change is constant”, I was once being told. It is true that change is constant. But coping with change requires some training, support, mentoring from people we trust and feel connected to at some level.
At times talking about change with others put one’s mind at ease. Discussing concerns related to change, sharing fears, making speculations around change at time helps one to cope with it in a positive way. Personally I can relate to this strategy as for me change at time is hard to acknowledge and accept. Accepting change is related to acknowledging fear of unknown. It is thus having fear of unknown which make the acceptance around change hard but not impossible.
Change is inevitable. There is no denying to this fact. However, coping with change is something we all need to master at our own level of comfort, and understanding without jeopardizing our personal values, emotional, physical and mental health. Just like John F. Kennedy said, “Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.”
Change comes around in variety of different ways, forms and styles. We as a human are designed to adapt to change as per our biological make. Humans are designed to cope with change whether it is related to social, economic, environmental, and financial or any other factor one cannot even comprehend. How and why is this possible? The answer to this questions lies in the history of mankind. Humans are known to be the survivors, the seekers, above all the conquerors through history and time.
Embracing this understanding and acknowledgement gives us hope that change can also be conquered and outcomes can be positive or can be redirected to a suitable form of acceptance.
This is my very first article on my blog. My mind has been railing from one topic to another for the last couple of days on what should I be writing on that will get me that dot on that little bell icon in the top right hand corner of the screen in WordPress. Yes it is true, that little red dot on the bell is quite an inspiration for not all but the majority of us to some extent. It serves as a booster that someone, out there can relate to us and vice versa. Said that I wanted to write my first write-up on fear. This one word exists in everyone’s life. For some the degree of this word might be way higher and for the others this word will motivate them to change something in their life, to try out something new, to excel and not to fall back. For me this words means at times to be careful, danger ahead, watch your back, take one step at a time, above all trust your instinct.
We all have fears. But what exactly is a fear. Is it like a shadow that follows us everywhere and when you turn around changes its direction? Or is it like that knot in our heart that when it happens, we can’t even drink a sip of water?
For me fear is a feeling. It is a feeling, a warning that I will get hurt physically, emotionally and mentally if I didn’t do my best whether at work, home, among relationships.
Writing this article made me realize that I cannot control the outside world. I cannot control how people react, I cannot control other people’s anger or annoyance towards me or my values. Said that I should not even bother explaining myself to them, I am what I am. My weaknesses could serve as my strengths at times. It is not for anyone to decide how to treat me. It is for me to decide who I am and where I want to go.
With that will, fear can be tamed. Can be directed. Can be controlled.
We do not lie in the hands of fear. Fear is within us. We are the one who can control it, channel it out and can ultimately conquer it.
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